This is what happened:
Some friends and I ventured into the great city of Chicago last night to see the classic Marx Brothers' film Duck Soup. Part of the evening involved the Outdoor Film Festival people attempting to break the world record for number of people wearing Groucho Marx glasses at the same time, by giving each attendee a free pair of Groucho Marx glasses. As one would expect when they're giving out thousands of free glasses, they weren't of the highest of quality. But they were fun nonetheless!
As a result of their cheapness, they soon started falling apart, and after awhile my mustache fell completely off. I attempted many times to reattach it, but to no avail. Finally, we had to stand with our glasses on for 10 minutes in order to break the record, so I stuck the mustache into the nostril of my fake nose so I didn't have to bother with it.
I decided that having a mustache hanging out my nose would make for a hilarious picture, so I asked Scott to take one of me:
That's when it happened. I was laughing at the hilarity of said picture when I took a deep breath and SWALLOWED THE MUSTACHE. I sucked it straight through my mouth into my throat. I didn't even feel it go into my mouth, it was that quick.
Next thing I know, it's in the back of my throat and I'm realizing I could choke and die from this. I stopped to assess the probability of my death, and found I could breathe just fine, so I finished the job and swallowed it completely. From there, I remember Scott asking me if I swallowed it (yes!!) and then I turned and announced to the rest of the my friends that I swallowed my mustache. Laugher ensued and I hurried to find some water.
Looking back, it probably would have been better if I had tried to cough it up instead of completely swallowing it, but that would have made quite an awkward scene. And this makes for a much better story.