Monday, August 10, 2009

Bible Awesomeness

I'm part of a fabulous small group where each week, anyone who wants to can share what they've been reading in their personal devotions and what spiritual insights they've gleaned from it. As a result of this format, we end up discussing a good variety of topics each week.

In our group, I've become known for a talent I have for picking out some of the more ... strange verses in the Bible. They're now known as "Kim Verses." I'm so proud.

I decided that it was selfish of me to only share these amazing portions of the Bible with my small group, so I thought I should share what may be the most awesome story in the entire Bible (besides Jesus dying for our sins and stuff) with the two people that read this blog.

It all begins in Judges 3:15. Israel is asking for a deliverer from the evil Eglon, King of Moab, and the Lord sends them a man named Ehod who, it's important to note, is left-handed. Ehud is quite the clever one and in preparation for meeting the evil Eglon, he makes a special double edged sword. He's also quite violent, as it turns out.

The awesomeness begins when Ehud meets up with the evil Eglon who, as the text describes him in verse 17, is "a very fat man." Haha! Ouch.

But wait, there's more! Ehud makes his way into the evil Eglon's private quarters to deliver a "secret message" from God and there stabs him so thoroughly with his sword that Eglon's "fat closed in over it." You can't make this stuff up. Ehud makes a quick getaway out the window, leaving the evil Eglon dead in his room.

BUT, this story doesn't get truly awesome until Eglon's servants come by, and finding that the doors to his room are locked, assume he's "relieving himself." Naturally. Then, in verse 25, comes the kicker. "They waited to the point of embarrassment, but when he did not open the doors of the room, they took a key and unlocked them. There they saw their lord fallen to the floor, dead."

Wow. I start to feel a little bad for the evil Eglon. First, he's so fat that the sword he gets killed with disappears inside his flubber. Then, while he's laying dead in his room, his servants are outside thinking he's having bathroom troubles. AWKWARD!

And awesome.


mark m said...

That was always one of my favorite passages too. Awkward indeed!

Speaking of the biblical topic of "relieving oneself," I love it when God -- thru Elijah -- accuses the pagan god of Baal of essentially doing the same thing. From 1 Kings 18:27 (NIrV):

<< At noon Elijah began to tease them. "Shout louder!" he said. "I'm sure Baal is a god! Perhaps he has too much to think about. Or maybe he has gone to the toilet." >>

Scripture rocks. I think this has to be a "Kim Verse," don't you?

Kim said...

Haha! Actually, I did share that verse in 1 Kings at small group once. Thanks for reminding me of it. It, also, is awesome!

Kara said...

I love it.
Kim verses ROCK.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure there are at least 3 of us who read this stuff. And we love it. :)

Rachael Monts said...

I read your blog too! I just don't comment very often. But I almost always laugh out loud. I love your writing style.

So this blog entry in particular truly deserves a comment. LOVE IT! In the future, I do hope that you share more of these "Kim verses."